S.O.S.

I have a deadbeat as my father. I see him, the most 3 times a year. I act like I really hate him and that he makes me angry and I just talk to him for his money, but in reality I miss him. I really wish he was actually around to see me grow up. I wish he knew all my friends' names, all the music on Ipod, my teachers' names, what classes I'm taking, and what I'm currently reading. I think it's fine that he and my mom aren't together, but I just wish he stuck around and acted like he cared. Instead, all I get is a check- whenever I ask for it. It's the only kind of relationship we have ever had. I've tried to chnge it many times, but it's like he doesn't care. At all. I'm always the one making the call to say hi, I'm always the one asking him questions about his life that I'm barely in, and I think it's unfair. My dad has hurt me so much, but I can't seem to let go. And my mom doesn't want to marry someone until I'm out of high school, which isn't fair to me either. So it pretty much means that I will never have a father to look up to. I'll never have a father-daughter dance with a meaningful song.

My father got engaged last year, without me knowing. I didn't even know he was dating. I didn't even get to meet her until 3 months before their wedding. He had told everyone he was getting married, and had everyone meet her, except for me. I found out when I had called him to see how he was doing (because he was sick) and a woman picked up the phone. When I hung up with my dad, I told my mom that a woman had picked up his phone. Then my mom told me that she was going to be my new step-mom. Then it took my dad a month after my mom told me, to tell me himself.

It's just not fair.

This is my vent, and I hope that I will never have to explain this portion of my life to anyone ever again.